Whether you have been married 5 years or 50 years, learn how to be a good wife with these TEN PRACTICAL TIPS! Free worksheet included!
“How to Be a Good Wife”– How I know
When my husband and I were newly married, I looked at couples who were married for ten years and thought THEY HAD MADE IT. Now that I’m there, I see that the journey has just begun! Every day, we are growing and changing. Through God’s grace, we are growing and changing for the better. But this doesn’t come with growing pains when it comes to married life. I have made A LOT OF MISTAKES, and I continue to do so. I’m not claiming to be an expert. But I would love to share ways I have improved as a wife. There are little changes I made to grow in relationship with my husband. In turn, it brought me closer to God.
“How to Be a Good Wife” from a Christian Perpective
I’m sure I don’t need to add this disclaimer, but my advice comes from a Christian perspective. I am a devout Catholic, and I take marriage seriously as a covenant, a holy sacrament between a man, a woman, and God. I do not plan to sugarcoat things. There may be advice I share that feels countercultural. But I know there are women out there who have heard lots of guidance from women who did not have God in mind. We live in a very “You do you, boo” and “self care” world, and I don’t always believe that is the key to a successful marriage. I have found that when women seek marriage advice, they want to know “how to have a good marriage.” I believe that starts with “how to be a good wife.” In other words, start with how you can improve YOURSELF! Let’s get into it.
1. Pray for him. And with him.
Easy, simple, and expected. Do you pray for your husband? If you don’t, you’re not alone. Unfortunately, many women do not pray for their husbands. I did not always pray for my husband the way I do now. Now, I pray for his worries, concerns, issues, and challenges. I pray that he grows closer to God. And yes, we pray together. For some couples, this may feel awkward if you have not done this in the history of your marriage. Your husband may react with surprise. But you have the power to make it normal. Where do you begin? Here’s a sample script: “I know this might seem weird and we have never done this before, but I want to start praying together… even if it’s ten seconds.” Need some prayer ideas? Start with the basics. It’s been two years since I reverted back to the faith, and I can say with great, happy confidence that I pray for my husband every single day, without fail. I have seen the fruits of those prayers and it has been such a blessing to our family (for more about that, click here).
2. Say only good things about your husband.
“I have never been frustrated at my husband…” said no woman EVER. It is easy to become irritated in our marriage because we are two separate people with many different ideas, emotions, and outlooks. But one of the best rules I chose to adopt was that I would never bad-mouth my husband. Let me break this down. We live in a culture in which women bond over their husband’s “stupidity.” What do I mean? Our culture finds humor in presenting husbands as idiots, then encourages wives to “vent” about it as a means of sisterhood. I find this to be very wrong. Why? Because then women begin to interject where they don’t belong. The “leave his *$% because you deserve better”-mindset starts to take shape. Women friends, mothers, and sisters begin to look at husbands differently, compare one another, and pass judgment. So what’s the solution? I know that it can be difficult to break a bad habit. You may even realize that soon, you will either have nothing to say to these “friends” any longer or you will have to slowly cut ties if that is all your friendship is based on. However, I found GREATER PEACE when I started to “vent” to the Blessed Mother. To this day, I sob in the car in prayer to her when marriage is tough for me. And it has really helped. So I highly encourage you to do the same. Mama Mary knew what it was like to be a wife and mother. So she understands are hardships!
3. Smile more.
Quite frankly, you can be a better wife if you are lighter and happier. Yes, you can control this. How often do you smile? How often do you smile at your husband? The stressors of life can start to erode your easy-going nature. Sometimes, I have lost my temper with my husband, then looked in the mirror and thought, “Where is the ’21-year-old Ina’ who giggled with glee and flirted with her boyfriend?” Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to take it easy. Men adore softness. It makes them less hard and masculine. Smiling more shows your husband that you are happy. He can lean on you when he is not in the best mood. It seems simple… because it is!
4. Nourish small habits that foster your marriage.
Depending on who you are and your marriage, this can look different. Perhaps you are not used to texting “I love you” every morning. Maybe you never hold hands. Perhaps you always complain about his dirty socks on the floor. So think about small ways you can create a habit in your life that will contribute to your marriage. Maybe you can thank your husband every night for all his hard work. Could you brew his coffee every morning? As funny as it sounds, I have developed a habit of not talking for at least an hour first thing on Saturday mornings. This gives my husband some peace and quiet, but it also sets up my mood for a better day since instead, I go for a walk, pray, read a book, and quietly sip on my coffee. So what can you do? Stay tuned for a helpful worksheet below!
5. Get more sleep.
You may have been surprised to read this one. Why do I recommend getting more sleep? I imagine most wives and mothers don’t get enough. And let’s face it: it can really affect our moods. Then what do we do? We take it out on our husbands. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I lashed out on my husband at 7:30pm, then stopped to identify that I was probably just really tired. So I went to bed. And the next morning, I forgot why I was even upset… then of course, apologized to my husband. I think this piece of advice should not go unnoticed. We need to prioritize rest and take note of how that lack of rest can negatively impact our relationships, especially those dearest to us, like our husbands.
6. Wake up earlier.
While it may appear that this negates number 6 above, hear me out. Getting more sleep may mean adopting an earlier bed time. Instead of sleeping at 11 after 2 hours of binge-watching TV, go to bed at 9. Then, wake up earlier. Set yourself up for your day. Pray, go for a walk, have your coffee, journal… do all the things that will foster a good disposition for the day. This will allow you to feel like you are not just responding to the demands of your day. You can approach your day from a more service-oriented posture whenever you engage with your husband because you are ready for it. Yes, I’m an early bird. But I wasn’t always this way. I realized how much better my quality of life grew when I woke up earlier and could devote more time and energy to activities that were nourishing to my soul. Then, I could happily nourish others.
7. Show hospitality to his side of the family.
This is a big one. In what ways do you show hospitality to your in-laws? I don’t just mean having them over for Christmas Eve. Do you call your mother-in-law? Have you made it a habit to spend time with your father-in-law? What efforts have you made to get to know your husband’s cousins? Are you someone who greets his side of the family on their birthdays? When you show a little love and attention to your husband’s side of the family, he notices. It brings him a sense of peace: “Okay cool, they get along. That’s a relief.” And it doesn’t take much. This is an area where a little selflessness and a little more thoughtfulness goes a long way. I’ll give you an example you can apply TODAY: the next time you go over to your in-law’s home, do you bring something, like flowers or a pie? What about offering to do the dishes? These little gestures go a long way.
8. Ask your husband for his wisdom and guidance.
Men love to feel like they are helpful and needed. We live in a world where women were groomed to believe they can do anything… and by “anything,” I mean “without men.” I remember years ago that I insisted that my husband opens all doors for me. Thirteen years later, this is still the case. And I know my husband doesn’t mind it. In fact, I would venture to guess that he appreciates that I need him. Most things around the house are things I can do on my own. But I choose to include my husband because we are a team. I always seek his opinions on matters, welcoming his ideas even when they differ from my own. I ask him how he feels about certain family decisions and how he would approach certain situations. Is this something you can do? Even if it’s small, like what he would like to do on the weekend or what he would like to have for breakfast the next morning.
9. Forgive before you say a word.
Have you heard the phrase, “Forgiveness is for you, not for the other person” and thought about it in the context of your marriage? I have also heard that you should apologize even before you are sorry, which goes against the common idea that one should “only say sorry when you mean it.” I’ll be honest: I have apologized to my husband many times before I meant it! Why? Because it broke the fever. It broke the ice. I was able to get over the hump and move on after that apology.
What what do I mean about “forgiving before you say a word?” Even if I am still angry, and even if I wasn’t completely sorry, I have forgiven my husband before approaching him. I literally pray in my head, “Father, I forgive my husband.” And I will admit: it has felt painful at times. But I also forgive myself. I try to forgive myself for behaving poorly and for contributing to any turmoil in my marriage.
10. Offer your sufferings for his soul.
This year, I had two miscarriages in four months. I would say that the two instances were some of the most difficult experiences of my life. But it was for good. How? It completely transformed my views of suffering. For the first time in my life, I united my suffering with Christ. I offered all of my suffering for the greater glory of God. And it really brought me closer to God. So now, I offer my sufferings for my husband’s conversion and his soul. Every time I wash a dish, I offer it as a prayer for my husband’s soul. Do you think you can do that? Can you offer “sitting in traffic at 5pm” as a suffering for your husband’s soul? Try it! You may be surprised to see how much it can soften your heart.
The Godly Wife Worksheet
As promised, here is a free printable to help you, your mindset, and the posture of your heart!
I call it the “Godly Wife Worksheet.” It should only take a few moments of your day to fill out. Carry it with you. Refer to it often. Print out one each week (or each day!) and save them. Give them to your husband at the end of the year as a Christmas present!
Free PDF download here: >>> Godly Wife Worksheet – Life with the Saints
More Prayers for Your Husband
If you want to continue to be inspired, check out these posts:
- A Prayer for My Husband
- A Morning Prayer for My Husband
- A Prayer to Protect My Marriage
- A Prayer for Dads
- A Prayer for My Marriage: Finding Daily Strength and Inspiration
Praying for you always!
